Social psychologist Heidi Grant’s interesting TED Talk video providing advice on how to increase the odds of a positive outcome when we ask someone for help was published this week. Three of her four tips are to be specific about the help required and why it is needed, to not apologize for asking for help and to make the request live in person or over the phone.
While this advice can be applied to any situation, in a delivery scenario if team members are regularly demonstrating these steps it is evidence that they feel safe working with one another.
Being specific about a request forces a requestor to be more vulnerable. It’s much easier to say “I could use a hand with my development work today” than to say “I really have no clue as to how to code this data interface to meet the performance criteria”. It also puts the target helper in a greater position of vulnerability by requiring them to respond if they believe they have the necessary skills to help or not. Comfort with expressing vulnerability is a key attribute of psychological safety.
Helping someone is supposed to feel satisfying and should feel natural when we have a healthy working relationship. Canadian stereotypes about saying “sorry” aside, if someone apologizes to me when asking for my help, it makes me feel that they don’t feel comfortable with our relationship. In a team with a higher level of psychological safety, team members are confident that they can count on one other.
Finally, if I don’t feel comfortable asking someone for assistance and am pessimistic about the likelihood that they will help me out, sending the request via e-mail or leaving them a voice mail message is a safe way to avoid a potentially unpleasant interaction. On the other hand, if I feel that my colleague has my back, I’ll have no concerns with speaking with them face-to-face or over the phone to ensure clarity of understanding and a timely response.
“Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on” – Bill Withers
Easy in theory, difficult in practice 